POSTED 23/10/11


X-MEN: DESTINY

Activision

Is it just us who gets Monty Python giggles whenever X-Men are mentioned? “He’s an X-Man, he has ceased to be. Four million volts wouldn’t make this man VOOM!”. Well, unless perhaps he’s Magneto...

Speaking of ex-men, as distinct from X-Men, Professor X is gorn. He's kicked the bucket. He's shuffled off his mortal coil... uh, sorry. We’re really sorry. Honestly, we’re so fuc... umm, we’ll now resume our regularly scheduled programme. Finland! Finland! Finla... no, not that one, that other one.

Umm, where were we?

Right. The Prof’s dead after he and Magneto lost a barney with super-villain Bastion. Meanwhile, Nazistic mob ‘The Purifiers’ are anything but nondescript air fresheners. They’re actually staunchly anti-mutie, wanting to cleanse Earth of all funky-powered X-Men (and X-Women). Enter you, one of three rookie muties itching to help fight for mutant/human harmony.

X-Men: Destiny is a Devil May Cry-influenced beat ‘em up, although DMC might be offended by that. With increasingly awesome-upable powers you despatch hordes of everyday humans armed with sweet FA – hello fair fight, not - in waves punctuated constantly by cutscenes and short wander-and-sometimes-climb interludes with collectibles strewn willy-nilly.

It gets repetitetitetitetitive quickly; your powers increase and hello “yeah, yeah, punch, jump, shock, you’re dead, heya X-Man (or X-Woman), yawn, what’s on telly?” as the mere two-button mash to destroyinate becomes as second nature as flatulence. That’s destroyinate everything except omnipresent invisible walls. You’re a super-powered mutie and you still can’t jump wherever? We wish to make a complaint...

Meanwhile, the camera’s obviously a Sorny, ’cos it behaves like dingy early 3D romp days. You’ll fight Purifiers as well as all manner of shit blocking your view. Eckyeckyecky!

Sadly, X-Men: Destiny isn’t resting or stunned, it’s tired and shagged out.

Aww, and we didn’t get to mention thomasdolbyium or limahlium...

CLICK THIS!



CLICK THIS!