POSTED 10/10/12


RESIDENT EVIL 6

Capcom
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Wanna see something REALLY scary?

Click here. Wanna see something with no alarms and no surprises? Read on about RE6.

It may once have been renowned as a poo-loosening series of abject terrification, but the old RE she ain’t what she used to be. Or maybe the Depends are helping?

This latest incarnation’s kinda survival soap opera, with plenty of OTT “So why so seriousness?” and innumerable giggle-inducements. It starts with the PUSA getting all infected like, and tripsy-traipses onwards from there. Actually, it all starts with quick time events, but they mercifully abate a smidge to stabs for door openings, train avoidings, death-defying wagglings and the like. How can these people endure waves of bloodlusting zombielike blechy-bods, yet have to wait for button presses from somebody in Couchland to get through a fricking door? Answers on a postcard, please...

Anyway, what remains is third-personment assault upon wave-upon-wave of lively undeadly types who’re lusting for your deathication. There are three main missions (a fourth opens up upon enduring those), plus sideshow attraction minigame thingies. Weaponry abounds, hell you can even eventually nab unlimited ammo. Sadly, however, there’s no speedy-automatic-reload-when-your-fucking-gun-runs-out-of-fucking-ammo-you-dumb-fucking-himbo/bimbo-so-I-don’t-get-fucking-helplessly-splatterated-again option. But things do improve as you upgrade en route.

The bossy-boots camera can be a disorientating nightmare – we nearly tossed secondhand cookies all over our lounge on more than one occasion - and invisible walls are often abjectly ridiculous. As are some of the bullshit deaths experienced and many of the re-spawn points. Meanwhile, it’s more on rails than Thomas the Tank Engine. At times we suspected that the creators actually resented the need for interaction as it interfered with their moviemaking aspirations.

Yet ultimately we clicked into the RE6 vibe and – despite regular outbreaks of screeching pissed-offedness - quite enjoyed the scattershot ride. ‘Serious’ RE fans, however, may not be thanking their lucky stars...

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