POSTED 19/4/11


PORTAL 2

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Heather Locklear in Melrose? Soft. Joan Collins in Dynasty? Lightweight. Bette Davis in almost any of her films? Meh. You want bitch? GLaDOS nabs the chockies every time. She wouldn’t just boil your bunny, she’d hunt its entire family tree for a wabbit stew so whopperous it could sate African starvation.

What the fuck’s a ‘GLaDOS’? Ah, you missed the first-person, puzzletastic gloriousness of Portal. Smacks! The peculiar amalgam of upper and lowercase letters was the computer at its heart, which set challenges of varying degrees of brainbustingness until you kinda killed her. Now she’s rebooted, and hell hath no fury like a computer scorned.

You’re a human named Chell who’s been in stasis a tad longer than recommended. Whilst in your frozen la-la-land, the Aperture Science facility GLaDOS basically runs has gradually eaten itself. Cue an alarming array of new tests whereby you, armed with trusty portal gun, face a hole lot of challenges. Oh, that wasn’t a typo...

Again assuming no Portal uno knowledge, the prominent puzzle element here’s the ability to blat holes in certain walls and surfaces through which you can flit. You might nab a cube and pad-plop to keep a door open or redirect a laser, or just hammer through shoomily enough to be flung where you want. Other elements unlock as you progress, but saying anything’s potentially spoilerific, so we’re keeping schtum.

Portal 2 has a wit and writing quality that many flicks would covet – if they weren’t test audienced to the point they blurt out with all the sharpness of a fruit muffin. Mercifully games seem immune from such shit currently.

Get this. Complete single player, then tackle co-op – for if you go there first you’ll spoilergasm all over your good jeans. Portal 2’s puzzling perfection – the feeble-minded need not apply.

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