POSTED 22/8/13


PAYDAY 2

505 Games
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

“The best things in life are free. But you can give them to the birds and bees, I want money!”

Now, we don’t wish to speak ill of The Flying Lizards, or indeed Barrett Strong or some beat combo calling themselves ‘The Beatles’, but that famed statement of fiscal avarice is intrinsically flawed. Well, if you look at it through the eyes of the stars of heist ’em up Payday 2.

...and through their silly masks.

You’re one of four over-entitled arseholes who feel that stealing’s preferable to working for a living. OK, so what’s involved with robbery is vaguely workesque, but few nine-to-fivers blithely shoot civilians whilst trudging through cubic servitude. Well, save for photographers.

Anyway, questions of morality aside, you should have the gist – especially as this is a sequel, as ably indicated by the “2” after the first word of the title - that Payday 2’s all about heists. Simoleons, artworks, bling... It don’t matter if it’s valuable.

That “2” is particularly apt, as it’s really two games. If you’re a solo kinda crook you’re saddled with three assistants who nail the ‘ass’ into the word. They make the Three Stooges look like Einstein, Freud and Hawking (sans wheels) on super-smartypants drugs. Basically, this makes everything shit as you la-la-la around waiting for stuff such as drills to penetrate safes, desperately staving off massed cop assaults while the moron trio bumbles.

But! If you dig playing with others online, Payday 2’s a whole new haul game. Well, assuming that these others possess a modicum of strategic nous.

Payday 2 is all kinds of Tarantino – appropriate as ‘Little Green Bag’ plays while we type - and that should be enough to get you onboard. Should you possess at least three online accomplices...

Otherwise, stick with the day job, motherfucker. Or befriend some birds and/or bees.

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