POSTED 12/11/14


#KILLALLZOMBIES

Beatshapers

What is it with zombies and brown? Seriously, if we’re ever undead we promise to exert more colourific flair.

We’ve certainly been colourific with expletive-flinging playing this twin-stick zomb-’em-up, as it always manages to find new and really fucking annoying ways to kill you – if zombie hordes don’t get you first. Oh look, an ambulance fell from the sky and squished us! Sure, it flashed red on a red battlefield as warning, but as we had a billionty shamblers surrounding us we kinda couldn’t move...

‘Pushing shit uphill’ is the modus operandi of #killallzombies. You start in a hexagon-riddled gamefield with the pissiest weapon this side of a marshmallow torpedo. Somehow you must endure enough waves of z-words to unlock “better” weapons for next time.

Even once unlocking a relatively effective blaster, you’ll still be fucked from the get-go. Those clever/nasty Beatshapers peeps can plonk up to 1,000 undead fuckers onto the playfield at once, and when you’re a few stages in and they move three times faster than you then you’re toast.

Sure, you gain “perks” as you level up (hint, save these for as long as possible). However, their perkiness is debatable when most hamper progress, save for a couple of quick obliterators. They’re either too random or just plain deadly to you. You’ve four of many to select from, you must choose one once activated, you may have no option but death.

We played 16 hours, maxed at level nine and didn’t encounter any supposed bosses.

Twitch broadcast is novel, whereby viewers can dictate perks and more. Yeah, like anybody’s helpful. There’s something wrong with human nature...

Also, you only get a third of the game! Two modes, ‘Flag defence’ and co-op, are “coming soon”. Umm...

So, like the predominant colour here, #killallzombies is excrement, yeah? No. Despite myriad issues, ridiculous difficulty and lack of balancing, it’s somehow still just-one-more-go compelling. Shit!

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