POSTED 6/9/15


GEARS OF WAR: ULTIMATE EDITION

Microsoft

If there’s one person that we never expected to go the Botox route, it’s Marcus Fenix.

But here the big lug is, all smooth and 1080p and stuff – and he looks pretty bloody good for the treatment. As does the rest of the original Gears of War, having also undergone a bigger facelift than Joan Rivers could ever have dreamed of. We’d have tried confirming this with her, but our Ouija board’s in the shop.

Anyway, originally hitting the Xbox 360 back in 2006, GoW was a revolutionary shooter, especially in how it used hiding behind stuff as a critical component of not being endeadened. Rather than blowing several shades of shite out of other humans, you were tasked with defeating icky hordes of Locusts – kind of bug/humanoid hybrids.

You still are – but this time everything, as alluded to, looks lots better.

But that’s not all! You also score a whole pile of DLC. While some of it is just yawny old skins and a handful of new multiplayer maps, the big pull is the inclusion of a bunch of previously PC-exclusive stuff, including some 90 minutes of extra campaign.

Still not sold? Well, we’re not here to sell cookies! Instead, when it’s ready, anybody who gets their remastered GoW on before 2016 will be able to download the original 360 versions of GoW (we’re not sure why because, well, this prettified version), plus 2, 3 and Judgment.

Ultimately, multiplayer really is where this puppy’s at, be it local or online co-op or – advisably when you’re really, really ridiculously good - hitting those multiplayer maps. If you’ve little idea what’s going on you’ll be dead before you can say “...”

Really, you will.

The neurotoxins have done good, even if a few of the original game’s wrinkles remain. Feel free to take that up with Marcus yourselves...

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