POSTED 6/7/11


FEAR 3

WB Games
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

BOO! Heh, gotcha. Well, actually you were probably about as scared by that as you’d be by a fluffy bunny snuggling into the wing-pit of a downy duckling on a cloud, surrounded by marshmallows and babies’ bottoms.

Such a scenario would only be marginally less frightening than acronymgasmic FEAR 3. This wouldn’t be a drama, except it’s billed as ‘paralysing paranormal horror’. Yeah, good one marketing department, like that ‘F3AR’ shit.

It may not be scary – just marginally freaky and weird - but that doesn’t mean FEAR 3 lacks meritationalperscuityness. It possesses many pointy-pointy good points, including returning protagonist Point Man. If you’re not up with the story, it’s rather convoluted. Basically, beardie-weirdie army kinda guy PM is the progeny of Alma, who’s a bit... well, really nucking futs. She had another sprog, Paxton Fettel, who digs chomping human flesh. You and your creepy cannibal bro - whom you murderated in the first FEAR (awk-ward!) - unite to find mummy before she pops out another sibling to split the freaky inheritance with. Or something.

You first play with relative goodie-goodie Point Man, but conquering each of eight ‘intervals’ unlocks Fettel as playable. So, like InFamous 2 you can play good, then e-vil (imagine that how we did when typing and it sounds right nefarious).

It’s standard FPSiness, but it’s fun and functional. Our only beef’s the frequency of ‘WTF?!’ deaths – you’re bang-bang-shoot-shooting and ‘FHWAM!’, goneski. How rude! Weaponry’s pleasingly varied; the twin machine pistol assault whilst tromping through a megastore that makes the average Bunnings seem corner shop-like a personal fave. Inventive multiplayer options add further ‘fuck!’ for your buck.

It may be less scary than bellybutton fluff, but FEAR 3 gripped us enough to forget dinner – and the deli in that aforementioned megastore had zilch-o to do with it...

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