POSTED 14/10/14


DRIVECLUB

Sony

From the Beach Boys to Kraftwerk, driving’s always been equated with fun, fun, fun.

OK, we know that the latter’s actually ‘fahr’n’ and kinda means ‘go’, but we’ll stick with the mondegreen as it suits our purposes.

When it comes to driving games, so too has fun been the key ingredient. Being able to careen around corners sideways, defying gravity in a way that’d have your pants overflowing with gigantic ploppity-ploppies if attempted in real life. Being free to do so, without a: dying and b: being chastised by some boring old fun-fascist fart.

It pains us to say, but that boring old fun-fascist fart is Driveclub itself.

It sounds ace in words – and has since touted as a jewel in the PS4’s launch crown. Ace visuals, ace real-world cars (well, some – no Ford?!), ace tracks, ace races, ace drifting, ace time trials, ace challenges, ace ability to create ace car clubs and score ace ‘fame’ (fame, fickle fame) to unlock ace stuff, or happily be a follower and join somebody else’s club. Acely, natch.

That’s all here, but save for very pretty graphics “ace” isn’t the first word that boings to mind. In fact, we kept head-singing The Stooges’ ‘No Fun’ throughout innumerable hours trying to find the ace in Driveclub. But, despite glimpses, it never came.

This has nothing to do with the groaning, incapable servers that barely functioned upon release, either.

Boomeranging to our point – fun - Driveclub seems purpose-built to stomp upon any outbreaks thereof. Hurtle into a corner sideways and bump another driver? That’s a penalty. Slightly cut a corner in a fervent head-rush of excitement at getting ahead? That’s a penalty. Take a long line and get hit by a psychotic “We are the robots” AI car? You better believe that’s a penalty...

Unless you too are a robot, no fun, my babe, no fun.

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