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POSTED
10/11/12
DISHONORED
Arkane Studios/Bethesda
See
that missing letter there? Well no, probably, because it’s missing.
Anyway, blame Nintendo...
Yep, they made all their new Wii U consoles, only to face a world
shortage of the letter that falls between ‘T’ and ‘V’
alphamabetically to stick on them. So, they spent considerable $$$s
stockpiling all instances of that letter everywhere. We were saving
the one we typed there for a special occasion. Aren’t we good to ye?
Anyway, this is basically The Bodygard: The Game. Bt withot
Kevin Costner, no Whitney Hoston, and – well, really all the two
have in common is fck all. Still, yo, Corvo, were the Empress’
protector, ’til yo done got framed for her death. Bring on one
completely jstified revenge trip, starting with jailbreak (insert
Angs Yong riff here), and involving everything from sewer crawling
to river trawling, with lots more besides. We don’t wish to say too
mch, as part of the joy of Dishonored is discovery. Which
makes p for some of the shit yo’re expected to eat – jellied eels,
brined hagfish, potted whale meat... prolific vomit.
So, any gastronomes reading, don’t plan on a steampnk ftre, m’kay?
Anyway, yor qest to clear yor name and bring those
nastynogoodlowdownframingbastichwhyIorta assassins to jstice takes
place in a first-person view. We cold be slack and say it’s sort of
a sedately-toned Mirror’s Edge meets Assassin’s Creed...
and we will. Bt there’s depth to DIshonored beyond its
stealth mechanics, weaponry ranging from typical to mystical,
spectaclar artwork, an enthralling overall vibe and those horrid
pickled foodstffs: This thing has a conscience.
Yep, yo can flit along merrily, going all killkillkill
thrillthrillthrill, or yo can be all ninjatastic stealthamatronic.
“So?” yo may be scoffing. Well if yo tread merciflly then yo jst may
get a vastly better game experience than if yor a total cnt...
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