POSTED 16/8/12


DARKSIDERS II

THQ
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

OMG! Honey, you look like Death!

Probably because, at least in this here gaming experience thingy, you actually are Death. Horseman of the apocalypse and shitty dinner party guest, for he does tend to cast rather a gloom over the evening.

He’s pissed off because his bro War done got framed for instigating the End of Days in the first game, so he’s energetically rampaging through a place hovering somewhere between Hell and Heaven in search of a Terrence Malick flick. It’s a joint that would be a super-savvy place to set up a Mr Minit, ’cos there are more locked doors requiring elaborate schlep quests than a... umm... place with lots of locked doors where you have to faff about looking for keys.

Yep, basically Death, for all his power, is everybody’s bitch here. “Oh, Death! Fetch this and I’ll give you something shiny!” is the way of the rather Shrekishly populated netherworld, so you – and your trusty steed, the inspiringly named Despair - trundle about fetching shit. Still, there’s fun amidst said trundling, like combo slashing the daylights (and nightlights) out of myriad beasties wee and mofoingly massive with a gradually more powerful succession of weaponry, from bog standard blades to a whopperous thing that’s essentially a phone box on a stick.

If we say what we wanna we’ll likely be the zillionth to say it, so we’re going anagrammy to be slightly original. Darksiders II is strikingly reminiscent of Dog of Raw, should ‘A Stork’ have evolved from the Pincer of Praise. Still, other than repetititititititivity from repeatedeatedeatedeatedly schlepping through samey quests, Death has a cool way in snark, usually the controls do just what you want them to, there’s buttockloads of loot and the myriad power-uppable things rock.

Death may no longer be lurking in the shadows, but the consequences certainly aren’t dire.

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