POSTED 7/11/12


DANCE CENTRAL 3

Harmonix/Microsoft
Xbox 360/Kinect

Hey boppers! We’re having a Dance Central indie party! We’ve got ‘Girls and Boys’ by Blur and... erm, nothing else. Nada. Zilcheroonie. Not a sausage. Not even a sausage skin.

Yep, the pathetically myopic track selection of the last two Dance Central incarnations continues unchecked. Seriously Harmonix, sack the hapless E-necking club bunny choosing this shit and get somebody with a clue! There’s more to dancing than speedfreak-BPM DOOF thuds four times every bar. Really.

Other than this bored-now tunnel visionistic perpetuation, some decent new stuff’s been added to the experience. The most amusing – but also the most frustrating, as you need reasonable coordination to avoid constantly repeating-eating-eating songs - is a story involving time travel. Some nefarious bastard is zotting through time trying to kill the dance. You’re tasked with bopping back to the ’70s and getting down from the Hustle onwards to save the moves. Mind you, he does have the stupidfuckingprickbastardsucklord ‘Macarena’ in his sights, so he can’t be all bad. Eradicate that and we’d nominate him for a Nobel Peace Prize. Well, if we knew how – and he was real.

Elsewhere, there’s a welcome beginner mode, plus two minigames that can also be thrown into party mixes, which actually ARE mixes now. They also adjust to willing participants’ klutziness, and sets can be twiddled via Microsoft’s appallingly-named SmartGlass.

Seemingly alone in exemption from the hypnosis-like pull of K-pop overlord Psy’s horsey dance, we don’t care that ‘Gangnam Style’ is to be available as DLC. The trillions who’ve inexplicably bought it will though, and will likely buy it again as naturally it wasn't included in the game when extra $s could be scammed. Like paying to export songs from previous DC incarnations that you own...

DC3’s technically the best Kinect dance game, but the Just Dance series pisses on it from way up high for song variety.

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