review
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POSTED 16/7/14


CRIMSONLAND

10tons



The first rule of Shmup Club? Erm, talk about it, for fear of a blank page.

If Crimsonland wasn't inspired by the great Robotron and arguably greater Smash TV then we’re Mary Poppins. We reckon there are some Earth Defense Force fans infiltrating 10tons’ ranks, too. EDF! EDF! EDF!

You’re just this guy, you know? You’re plopped in a drab and desolate arena – brown and various shades thereof, at least until you get red on it - armed with a puny boomstick. You’re besieged by hordes of alien and buggy assailants. You mustn’t die. Well, you can, but that’s game over.

There’s a 60-level story mode, plus ‘Survival’, which you should be able to work out the workings of from the name. Knock over more story, get more modes. All of which are bastards.

You’ll eventually unlock 30 weapons, and numerous perks which – annoyingly - aren’t useable in story mode. Complete that and you’ll be missing one, it’s hidden within hidden bonus game Gembine (which is hidden) and owes much to Threes (or vice versa).

Even if you’ve the intellectual perspicacity of a toothbrush you’ll get this. Shoot stuff, trying not to get overwhelmed and, thusly, dead. The difference in weaponry can be palpable, and the randomness with which it’s dropped can be the difference between your leaving oodles of mangled corpses or becoming one. While we realise insanely long waits for reloads and such are to add strategy, they just frustrated us. We just want to kill shit unfettered! Still, regular explodey bonuses assuage stress a trifle.

It looks pretty dire, is often sluggish, many weapons are useless and some trophies are for the wishful thinking department (even the second of three difficulties is brutal). But despite our swearing like Tony Montana with Tourette’s at stuff we reckoned could be better, we still had hours of big dumb fun with Crimsonland. Plus, local co-op’s a hoot.

So, say hello to our little friend...

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2018. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.