POSTED 21/9/13


AIRACE SPEED

QubicGames
3DS/eShop

Good news everyone! Jack Bauer’s alive and well...

...and hooning around in futuristic aircraft (which he likely purloined the plans for after sneaking into Boeing when they were busy replacing batteries in naughty Dreamliners).

How do we come to this conclusion? Well, listen to the countdown clock before heading off for a psychotic air race in the puntastic AiRace Speed... bleepBLEEPbleepBLEEP!

Imagine grabbing Wipeout, After Burner, Pilot Wings and Cooking Mama, chucking out that last one due to irrelevance and popping the other three in a blender. You’d have a big crunchy mess of CD and/or cartridge bits, sure, but if you took the idea less literally and just imagined a smushing together of the concepts you’d pretty much get what’s going on here.

Head into any of 18 tunnels as fast as you dare – aided, for the insane, by booster jet thingies - avoiding assorted pointy yellow death-dealing objects of death-dealing yellow pointiness, such as bars, holes, walls and blades. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and if you don’t then you’ve done your dough) is to reach the end of your laps as quickly as possible, or to survive non-crashily for as long as possible, depending upon which level you’ve opted to assail. Your reward? Stars (allowing progression) and worldwide online high score adulation – WOO! Well, until everybody else buys this, is infinitely better than you and shunts you down the table into ignominy. WAH!

If you’re an adrenaline junkie you’ll take to this like a bogan to a Contiki tour. If you come into it with stress levels akin to South Park’s Tweak then twitchy controls may see your heart quickly pop, and possibly splatter ventricle goop all over your couch.

Do keep a phone handy ready to dial 000, won’t you? Jack’s busy...

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